Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I Believe

When there's nothing to believe in, I belive in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Random Catfish Story

Have you ever had moments in your life when you think, “did that really just happen to me? Seriously?” I had one of those moments on Sunday. Although it was quite painful, it was rather humorous as well, and so I’ll share.

Jenna and I had decided to brave the oh-so-early hour of the first service at church in order to drive to the beach, which unfortunately is now 2 hours away. Because of this, I’d just like to mention that I’ve learned how to actually plan for a beach trip. It involves things like towels, food, bathing suits and, oh yeah, sunscreen. These minor details were not always necessary when I lived about 7 ½ minutes from the beach. But, I digress.

Once we arrived at the beach, we had a lovely time of swimming, laying out, and reading our current books in the sunshine. Near the end of our time, Jenna suggested a walk. I love walking on the beach! Something is so magical about walking along a shore of a massive body of water. It reminds me of how small I really am.

We walked about a half mile one way and then turned around, deeply engrossed in conversation. One instant I was listening intently to Jenna talk about some deep life situation, the next instant accompanied searing pain. Something was piercing my foot. I thought I had stepped on a shell, but when I lifted my foot up, an animal was dangling from my pad of my foot. I think it was then that I started to panic. Jenna said I didn’t panic, she said I was totally calm the whole time but if that’s true, I was freaking out in my head. I wasn’t sure what was stuck to me but I yelled, “Get it off! Get it off!” I held on to Jenna as she did her best to do just that. It was then that I realized a dead catfish was stuck in my foot and not coming out. Ew.

“Let me sit down, I need to sit down!” She helped me on the sand as a family came rushing over to lend their aid. Jenna was still tugging at my foot and I felt like the insides of my foot were going to come out with it. Lord, please get it out. I don’t want to go to the E.R,” I prayed. And with that, it was out. I was light headed and in a ton of pain, but I was ok! Jenna said it was in my foot about 2 inches. The family that helped us was staying in one of the condos on the beach and they ran inside to get us water, hydrogen peroxide, and bandages. Thank God for that!

As we hobbled back to our stuff, we couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. I’m sure some of the laughing came from gratitude and relief, but you have to admit, it was pretty funny. We kept saying, “Did that really just happen?”

I paid a visit to the doctor yesterday to take make sure everything was ok. They gave me a tetanus shot (ouch) and antibiotics. They also took an x-ray of my foot to make sure nothing was left from the ugly catfish in it. It looked good and now I’m just waiting for the swelling to go down so that I can walk properly again. Right now it is very painful to walk and I’m staying alone so that makes things particularly difficult. However, I’m easily adaptable.

So there you have it: my random catfish story. Crazy, I know. And yes, it really did happen.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Finding Faith

Where is my faith? As I studied this morning about Daniel’s, I cannot help but feel that I’m in a dark maze wandering around in search of a lost faith. Do I even know what I’m looking for? No, it’s as if I am running aimlessly down walled corridors in the dark looking for something that has no form. All the while, Christ is walking next to me saying, “Here, take my lamp and my map and the photo of your destination. Speak with me, I’ll guide you the whole way.” And yet all too often I brush Him off desiring to be the hero who receives the glory of finding it MY way all by MYSELF. And then often it is only when I hit a dead end in the corridor and I lose all hope, that I finally look to my side and utter a desperate and angry “FINE, FINE WHATEVER!” This is a direct quote from a 2 year old I know. Why is it she knows this frustration and these words? Because they are at the heart of who we are as humans.

And so I snatch the map and lamp and start out again. However, once I am almost sure about the right way to go, I thrust it all back in His hands and try it again my way. My way. Not His.

I want to change that. I want to be continually next to Christ pouring over His words with His lamp as my light. I want to be talking with Him, asking what He thinks about every turn. Not just when I hit a dark corner, but always.

What brings me to this confession of my lack of faith? I’m glad you asked. As many of you know, my friend Jenna (whose birthday it is today, Happy birthday friend!) and I have a desire that we believe it is from the Lord and not ourselves. We aspire to have a house geared almost solely to ministry and hospitality for women of all ages (but focused on students). We wish to have a place perfect for early morning coffee discipling (not about coffee—come on, I’m not that much of an addict!), bible studies, parties, crashing spots for the weary, and just a place for someone to listen and be pointed to Christ.

The dilemma: we have no house.

Yes, I understand, that that throws quite a kink in the whole vision. In fact, it’s the biggest and darkest corridor in our maze. Probably the second being that we have no 3rd roommate. We’ve seen a few houses we love, one in particular but money and roommates are necessary. Often, when I’m in situations like this I try to find every way to patch up the situation, MY way and in MY timing. So this time I’m sitting back. I’m taking Daniel’s example of combining wisdom and practicality with knowledge and rest in who God is. He will provide. He will show His glory. Not mine. John 3:30.

So if there’s anyone in Tallahassee who wants to join us in our maze of faith, please let us know. There will be dark times but I also believe there will be some of the brightest moments we’ve ever experienced. It will be a risk and an adventure! However, there is no need to worry! Because most importantly, we plan on staying with the Tourguide the whole time we are traveling. After all, it’s all for His glory, isn’t it? His.

I'll set my gaze on God alone,
And trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul,
And He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath,
A sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever.